Have you ever found yourself worrying about something days before it is going to happen? Perhaps you have an appointment next week, a journey coming up or a social occasion that you agreed to attend. Nothing has happened yet, but you are already feeling anxious about it. You might find yourself thinking about what could go wrong, imagining awkward situations or wondering how you will cope. The closer the event gets, the more uncomfortable you feel. Sometimes the anticipation is so unpleasant that you would rather cancel the whole thing.
This is anticipatory anxiety, and it can take an enormous amount of pleasure out of everyday life. In my work helping people with anxiety, I often meet people who spend far more time worrying about an experience than they spend actually having it. What interests me is not simply what they are afraid of, but what happens in the hours and days leading up to it. Because sometimes the hardest part is not the event at all. It is getting there.
When Tomorrow’s Worries Take Over Today
Imagine you have a dental appointment on Friday. It is only Monday, but you are already thinking about it. You know you need to go. You have probably been to the dentist many times before. You might even know that the appointment itself is unlikely to be particularly difficult. Yet every time you remember it, you feel that familiar tightening in your stomach.
By Wednesday, you are imagining sitting in the waiting room. On Thursday, you are wondering whether you should rearrange the appointment. By Friday morning, you feel thoroughly exhausted by something that has not even happened. Now imagine this pattern extending into other parts of your life.
A meeting at work can spoil your weekend. An invitation to a family gathering becomes something you dread rather than look forward to. Booking a holiday is exciting for everyone else, while you quietly worry about the journey, the airport or being somewhere unfamiliar. What should be a small part of your week begins to occupy far too much of it.
And the frustrating thing is that you probably recognise what is happening. You may tell yourself there is nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, knowing that does not always stop the feelings.
Why Does Anticipatory Anxiety Happen?
Our ability to anticipate difficulties is actually rather useful. We can imagine what might happen, think about possible problems and make plans to deal with them. It is one of the reasons human beings are so good at adapting to unfamiliar situations.
I have often noticed that people who worry a great deal can be remarkably capable when something genuinely difficult happens. They have spent so much time thinking about possible problems that they are often well prepared. The difficulty comes when that ability to anticipate problems becomes an exhausting habit.
Instead of considering what might happen and moving on, your imagination keeps returning to the situation. Each possibility leads to another. What if I feel anxious? What if something goes wrong? What if I cannot cope? And, perhaps most importantly, what if everyone notices? Before long, you are rehearsing an increasingly uncomfortable experience in your imagination.
Your body can respond to those imagined situations with very real feelings of anxiety. Your heart might beat faster, your stomach becomes unsettled, your muscles tighten and you find it difficult to concentrate. You are sitting safely at home, perhaps watching television or having a perfectly ordinary conversation, but part of your attention is somewhere else entirely. Your imagination has taken you into a future you have not reached.
When Preparation Becomes Catastrophic Thinking
There is a difference between preparing for something and repeatedly imagining the worst. If you are going somewhere unfamiliar, checking the route makes sense. If you have an important meeting, thinking about what you want to say is helpful.
But what happens when you have checked the route five times and still feel compelled to check it again? Or when you have rehearsed a conversation so often that you are now worrying about things the other person might say? This is where anticipatory anxiety can become closely connected with catastrophic thinking.
You begin with a reasonable concern and gradually move towards increasingly unlikely or difficult outcomes. Your mind seems determined to explore every possible problem, especially the ones you cannot easily solve. The strange thing is that all this mental preparation rarely leaves you feeling better prepared.
Quite the opposite. You can end up feeling as though you have already experienced several versions of the event, and none of them went particularly well. I sometimes think of this as allowing our imagination to practise the wrong experience. We spend so much time imagining ourselves struggling that we give very little attention to the possibility of things going reasonably well.
The Temptation To Cancel
There is another part of anticipatory anxiety that can be particularly difficult to recognise: relief. Imagine that you have spent several days dreading a social occasion. You have thought about what to wear, who might be there, whether you will enjoy yourself and how you might leave early if you feel uncomfortable. Then someone telephones to say the event has been cancelled.
What happens? For a moment, perhaps, you feel wonderful. The pressure disappears. Your stomach settles. You can relax again. It is an understandable response, but it can also become part of the problem.
When cancelling or avoiding something brings immediate relief, we can begin to associate avoidance with feeling safe. The next time a similar situation arises, the temptation to escape may be even stronger. Gradually, you might find yourself turning down invitations, postponing appointments or making excuses for things you would actually like to do.
And this is the part I find particularly sad. Anxiety has not simply made an event uncomfortable. It has started making decisions about your life.
Sometimes The Event Is Easier Than The Anticipation
Have you noticed that once you actually arrive somewhere, the anxiety sometimes begins to settle? You might spend three days worrying about a meeting, only to discover that after the first few minutes you are perfectly capable of taking part. Perhaps you dreaded going to a party, but once you started talking to someone you found yourself enjoying the evening. You might even come home wondering why you were so worried.
Yet when the next invitation arrives, the whole process starts again. This is something I pay particular attention to in therapy. If you can manage the situation itself, perhaps even enjoy it, then we need to look carefully at what is happening beforehand.
What are you imagining? What are you telling yourself? What sensations are you noticing? And what do you do in response? Understanding that sequence gives us something useful to work with. It also helps us distinguish anticipatory anxiety from other experiences.
For some people, the main concern is having another episode of intense fear. My article about panic attacks explores this in more detail. For others, the worry centres on being judged, embarrassed or criticised. That is something I discuss in my work with social anxiety. Anticipatory anxiety can accompany either of these difficulties, but it can also occur in many ordinary situations where there is no obvious reason to feel so apprehensive.
How Can You Begin To Change Anticipatory Anxiety?
One useful starting point is to notice the difference between something you need to prepare for and something you are simply worrying about. Preparation usually has an outcome. You check the appointment time, organise your journey or decide what you need to take with you. Once that is done, there may be nothing more you need to do.
Worry, on the other hand, often goes round in circles. You revisit the same concerns without discovering anything new. You imagine difficult situations without reaching a useful conclusion. When you notice yourself doing this, try asking a simple question: is there anything practical I need to do about this now?
If there is, do it. If there is not, perhaps you can allow yourself to return your attention to whatever is happening today. You do not have to persuade yourself that everything will be wonderful. Nobody can know exactly how an event will turn out. Sometimes it is enough to recognise that uncertainty does not automatically mean something will go wrong.
You can also begin to notice how often your predictions differ from what actually happens. After an appointment, meeting or journey, think back to what you expected and compare it with your experience. Not to criticise yourself for worrying, but to give your imagination some more realistic information to work with next time. And try not to make feeling completely calm a condition of doing something. You can feel a little apprehensive and still have an enjoyable experience.
How I Use Hypnotherapy For Anticipatory Anxiety
When someone comes to me with anticipatory anxiety, I want to understand their particular experience. I will not assume that everyone worries for the same reasons or that one approach will suit everybody. I might ask you to describe something you have recently been dreading. Not just the event itself, but when the worry began, what you imagined and how you responded.
Perhaps you started feeling uncomfortable as soon as you accepted an invitation. Perhaps the anxiety only appeared the evening before. Or you may have noticed that the more you tried to reassure yourself, the more worried you became. These details matter.
Over more than twenty years of working with clients, I have learnt the importance of adapting therapy to the person rather than expecting the person to fit a particular method. Depending on what we discover, I may use clinical hypnosis alongside practical therapeutic techniques, including cognitive behavioural approaches and mental rehearsal.
Hypnosis can provide an opportunity to explore familiar responses in a more relaxed and focused state. We can work with the thoughts, feelings and expectations that have become associated with particular situations. Mental rehearsal is another useful part of my approach.
Rather than repeatedly imagining everything going wrong, we can begin exploring what a more comfortable experience might look and feel like. Perhaps you imagine getting ready for an appointment without spending the entire morning worrying. Or travelling somewhere while allowing your attention to rest on the journey rather than everything that might happen when you arrive.
We start with something realistic. You do not have to imagine yourself becoming a completely different person, bursting with confidence or suddenly enjoying something you have always disliked. Sometimes the most meaningful change is much smaller. You notice that the appointment is tomorrow, but it has not spoiled today. That is a worthwhile beginning.
Getting Back The Time Anxiety Has Been Taking From You
I think one of the most overlooked effects of anticipatory anxiety is the amount of time it takes away. If you spend four days worrying about something that lasts an hour, the problem has become much bigger than the event itself. And those four days matter.
They might include time with your family, an enjoyable evening, a good night’s sleep or simply the pleasure of having nothing particular to worry about. I want my clients to have more freedom to enjoy those ordinary moments.
Imagine being able to accept an invitation and then largely forget about it until the day arrives. Imagine looking forward to a holiday without spending the preceding fortnight worrying about every possible difficulty. Or waking up on the morning of an appointment, knowing you have something to do later, but still enjoying your breakfast and getting on with your day.
Life will always contain uncertainty. There will be appointments we would rather avoid and occasions that make us feel a little nervous. The aim is not to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling. It is to reach a point where worrying about tomorrow no longer takes so much away from today.
Frequently Asked Questions About Anticipatory Anxiety
Anticipatory anxiety is the fear or worry you experience before an event or situation. You might begin feeling anxious hours, days or even weeks beforehand. The anxiety is often connected with imagining what could go wrong rather than anything happening in the present moment.
Before an event, your imagination has plenty of opportunity to explore possible difficulties. Once you arrive, you have real information to respond to, and your attention may become more involved in what is actually happening. For some people, that makes the anticipation considerably harder than the experience itself.
Yes. Worrying about something that hasn’t happened can be accompanied by physical symptoms such as a racing heart, nausea, muscle tension, sweating or an unsettled stomach. These feelings can be very uncomfortable. New, severe or unexplained physical symptoms should not automatically be attributed to anxiety and may need medical assessment.
It can do. Cancelling an event or postponing an appointment may bring immediate relief, but repeated avoidance can make future situations feel more threatening. Part of overcoming anticipatory anxiety involves developing confidence in your ability to manage situations without always needing to escape them.
Hypnotherapy may help you change some of the thoughts, expectations and responses associated with anticipatory anxiety. In my work, I combine hypnosis with practical therapeutic techniques and mental rehearsal, adapting the approach to your particular difficulties. People respond differently, so I don’t promise a particular outcome.
That depends on your circumstances, how long you’ve been experiencing anticipatory anxiety and what you would like to change. We’ll discuss your experiences and goals, then review how things are progressing as we work together. I don’t believe in prescribing the same number of sessions for everyone.
Would You Like To Stop Dreading Things Before They Happen?
If anticipatory anxiety is making everyday life more difficult, I would be happy to talk with you about how I might be able to help. You do not need to know exactly why you feel this way or have all the answers before getting in touch.
We can begin by exploring what happens when you anticipate something difficult and what you would like to experience instead.