Fear Of Public Speaking: How To Feel More Confident

Perhaps you’ve been asked to give a presentation at work, speak at a wedding or say a few words in front of a group of people. You know what you want to say, and you may even feel quite pleased to have been asked. But then you imagine everyone looking at you.

You picture yourself blushing, stumbling over your words or suddenly forgetting everything you’ve prepared. Something that should be enjoyable begins to feel rather frightening.

The fear of public speaking isn’t necessarily about lacking knowledge or having nothing worthwhile to say. Sometimes it’s the uncomfortable feeling of being watched, with everyone waiting for you to speak.

I help people in Kent who experience these difficulties, sometimes as part of a wider concern about their confidence, and sometimes only in particular situations.

Lauren wrote to me about exactly this problem. Her best friend had asked her to give a speech at her wedding. Lauren genuinely wanted to do it, but the thought of standing in front of the guests was filling her with dread.

Karen’s Reply

Hi Lauren,

The first thing that strikes me about your letter is that you really do want to make this speech. Your friend clearly means a great deal to you, and you’d love to be able to stand up and say something special about her. You’re not looking for an excuse to avoid it. In fact, you’re wondering whether this might be an opportunity to change something that has troubled you for quite some time.

I think that’s an important distinction. You aren’t frightened because you have nothing to say. You’re frightened of what might happen when everyone turns towards you and waits for you to say it.

And from what you’ve told me about the training sessions at work, this isn’t simply about the wedding. Being the centre of attention seems to change how comfortable you feel, even when you’re talking about something familiar. Let’s look at what may be happening.

When Everyone Is Looking At You

You mention being shy and blushing easily. I wonder whether the possibility of blushing has become almost as frightening as giving the speech itself. You might begin by worrying about what you’re going to say, but then another concern appears. What if your face turns red? Will people notice? Will they realise how nervous you are?

The more concerned you become about blushing, the more aware you may become of how your face feels. And suddenly, instead of thinking about your friend and what you’d like to tell everyone about her, you’re thinking about yourself.

Perhaps you’re monitoring your voice, wondering whether your hands are shaking or worrying that someone will notice a pause. It becomes difficult to concentrate on what you want to communicate when so much of your attention is occupied by how you appear.

The interesting thing is that you may be perfectly capable of telling the same story to two or three friends over coffee. The words are there. Your memories are there. Your affection for your friend certainly isn’t in doubt. What changes is how you feel when you become aware of an audience.

The Fear Of Going Blank

Another common concern is suddenly forgetting what you intended to say. You might rehearse a speech perfectly well at home, only to imagine yourself standing in front of everyone with absolutely nothing coming to mind. That possibility can make preparation rather difficult.

Instead of thinking about how you’d like to tell your story, you may find yourself trying to memorise every word, hoping that nothing will go wrong. But then you have another thing to worry about. What happens if you forget a sentence or say something in a different order?

I’d encourage you to think of your speech as something you want to share rather than something you must perform perfectly. You don’t have to remember every word to say something meaningful. You can have a few notes in front of you. You can pause, look down and find your place. There’s no requirement to speak without hesitation or deliver everything exactly as rehearsed.

And if you lose your place for a moment, that doesn’t mean you’ve ruined anything. What matters is being able to continue without treating an ordinary pause as a disaster.

You Don’t Need To Impress Everyone

I also wonder whether you’re putting rather a lot of pressure on yourself to give a good speech. You’re the chief bridesmaid. Your friend has asked you to say something. Perhaps you feel that everyone will expect something funny, memorable or particularly moving. But what would your friend actually like?

I imagine she’d be pleased to hear a few warm words from someone who knows her well and cares about her. You don’t have to become an accomplished public speaker overnight. You don’t need to compete with anyone else’s speech, produce a string of jokes or make everyone laugh.

A short, sincere contribution may mean far more to your friend than a polished performance. And it might be worth remembering that the guests are there to celebrate a wedding, not assess your presentation skills.

That doesn’t mean you’ll automatically stop feeling nervous. But it may help to reconsider what you’re asking of yourself. You’re not trying to impress a room full of strangers. You’re sharing something personal about someone you love.

Practising Without Rehearsing The Fear

I would certainly encourage you to prepare what you want to say. Choose a few things about your friend that genuinely matter to you. Perhaps there’s a memory you’d like to share, something you admire about her or a reason you’re particularly pleased to be standing beside her on her wedding day. Keep it relatively short, and use notes if they make you feel more comfortable.

But there’s another kind of preparation I’d like you to consider. When you imagine giving the speech, what happens? Do you immediately picture yourself blushing, forgetting your words or wanting to escape?

This is one way anticipatory anxiety can affect public speaking. You may spend far more time worrying about what could happen than you spend actually speaking.

If that’s the scene you repeatedly imagine, you may be spending quite a lot of time anticipating an experience you desperately want to avoid. Instead, begin considering how you’d like to experience those few minutes.

Imagine being able to look at your friend, say what you’ve prepared and remain comfortable enough to enjoy the moment. Perhaps your voice isn’t completely steady at first. Perhaps you need to glance at your notes. That’s fine.

You don’t need to picture a flawless performance. I’d much rather you begin imagining yourself managing the occasion in a way that feels natural and comfortable.

When Public Speaking Affects Your Working Life

You also mention finding it difficult to speak during training sessions at work. I think that’s worth exploring because it suggests this difficulty is affecting more than one part of your life.

Perhaps you have something useful to contribute during a meeting but hesitate because you know everyone will look towards you. You may spend several minutes deciding whether to speak, only for the conversation to move on before you’ve gathered the courage.

Or perhaps you do speak, but feel so uncomfortable that afterwards you remember little about what you actually said. This can be frustrating when you’re perfectly capable of doing your job and have worthwhile ideas to contribute.

And not everyone who experiences public speaking anxiety finds ordinary social situations difficult. You may be quite comfortable chatting with colleagues but struggle when you’re expected to address them as a group. That’s something I’d want to understand rather than assuming you have a general confidence problem.

People sometimes seek hypnotherapy for presentation nerves because they find themselves dreading meetings, training sessions or occasions when they’re expected to speak. They may know their subject extremely well, yet feel uncomfortable the moment everyone’s attention turns towards them. It’s that difference between knowing what to say and feeling comfortable saying it that interests me.

How Hypnotherapy May Help With Public Speaking Anxiety

When someone comes to me for hypnotherapy for public speaking, I don’t assume that everyone experiences the same difficulty. Some people are frightened of blushing, others worry about forgetting their words, while some find the feeling of being watched particularly uncomfortable. Lauren, if we were working together, I’d want to understand exactly what happens when you anticipate speaking in front of others.

I’d also be interested in those occasions when you can speak comfortably. Understanding why one situation feels manageable while another feels frightening can help us decide where to focus our work.

My work with public speaking anxiety forms part of my broader approach to hypnotherapy for anxiety.

I use clinical hypnosis alongside practical therapeutic techniques and mental rehearsal, adapting the approach to the individual. For someone who becomes particularly concerned about blushing, we might work on changing how they respond to that possibility. For someone who worries about going blank, the focus may be on feeling more comfortable with pauses and allowing their words to come naturally.

And if much of the difficulty happens before the event, we’d explore how they anticipate those situations. The aim isn’t to turn you into a different person or make you enjoy being the centre of attention. It’s to help you feel more comfortable expressing yourself when you have something you want to say.

Enjoying The Occasion Rather Than Waiting For It To Be Over

There’s one final thing I’d like you to consider, Lauren. Imagine arriving at your friend’s wedding and being able to enjoy the day. You can talk to the other guests, laugh with your friends and take part in everything without spending the whole afternoon waiting anxiously for your speech.

When the time comes, you stand up, say a few heartfelt words and sit down again. Perhaps you feel a little nervous. Most people would understand that. But instead of feeling overwhelmed by the experience, you’re pleased that you were able to do something meaningful for your friend. And afterwards, you can enjoy the rest of the celebration.

That’s the sort of change I’d like you to have in mind. Not becoming a brilliant public speaker or delivering a speech that everyone remembers for years, but feeling comfortable enough to participate in something that matters to you.

And perhaps, the next time you’re asked to contribute during a training session at work, you won’t have to spend quite so much time worrying about everyone looking at you.

Best wishes,
Karen

If you recognise some of the difficulties Lauren describes, and would like to explore whether hypnotherapy could help you feel more comfortable speaking in front of others, you’re welcome to contact me.